everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
