dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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