New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
