I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
