sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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