Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
