Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
