I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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