She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
