her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
