apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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