fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize