Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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