The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
