You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize