Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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