Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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