He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
