I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
