Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
