Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
