take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
