I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
