I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize