I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
