doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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