I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize