and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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