i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
