she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The power of my boobs compel you
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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