Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
