i was born a porn star she said
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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