I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
either way he was missing a nipple.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
