YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
