New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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