I didn't shave. On purpose
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
