where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
