when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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