dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
