Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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