Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
