Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
