Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
