I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
