Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
