I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
