my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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