Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
