I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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