I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
