is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Randomize
