I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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