he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
