What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
