how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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