I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
