Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
