I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
