i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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