Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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