i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
