She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
