wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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