there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
