i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
