It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
