I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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